So, when I met my ex-husband, we were in the company of friends. He expressed his interest to a good friend of mine and told her to give me his number.
He was cool. We had a good conversation and followed it up with a few dates. I really cared about him. He made me happy. Which should have been a sign. I should have been happy with or without him.
Another sign was how much he called or texted when we weren’t together. There were always multiple calls or text messages or a combination of the two. More than just checking in. More like keeping my attention while I wasn’t with him. I didn’t see this then, but I see it now.
Sometimes we don’t see what signs are in front of us. We want to see the good in everyone. There’s nothing wrong with that but we have to also be mindful about how it affects us. Are we allowing someone to control us, lowkey? Are we opening ourselves up to manipulation? Is this really caring or keeping tabs? These are things we have to look at to protect not only our hearts but our minds, too.
Know that it’s ok to ask yourself questions and don’t dismiss certain actions or categorize them as something they aren’t.
If you recognize a behavior that is questionable, speak up about it. If you are afraid to ask about it for one reason or another, walk away. If someone knows you won’t speak up about what they have done to you, they will continue to do it and will do other things to you as well. It feels good to them. That’s not love. It’s manipulation and control. It’s not healthy.
If the response you get for addressing the behavior doesn’t sit well, or they spin that back on you as if you caused the behavior, walk away. This person has no intention of fixing the problem. A person who truly cares fixes the problem. They don’t down play it or shift the blame. Blame shifting is gaslighting. Meaning, they are blaming you, for the way they treat you. This is bullsh#t at it’s finest. You will find yourself in a sunken place by allowing these behaviors to continue.
Know that it’s ok to walk away, even if it hurts. You aren’t being too sensitive or too analytical. You are protecting your peace.
Conversations With Lotus 