Narcissist

A word that is linked to so many different behaviors in which no one should accept.

This has been the hardest post to write and I was trying to figure out why it was so difficult. There is not just one thing a narcissist does, that is why this is so hard. So trying to just sum it up in one post, just won’t do.

I married a narcissist. Marrying a narcissist is like marrying Dr.Jekel and Mr.Hyde. When you meet them, they are cool and cordial. Thoughtful and kind. They are very suave. It’s their bait tactic. Once you are hooked, they start to switch up.

My ex-husband was smooth. He said things to me no other man said and noticed things other men didn’t. That was how he baited me in, amongst other things. Everything moved so fast, and within a year I was married, ready to birth my first child. Narcissist like to move quickly. They lovebomb you into believing their every thought, word and action. It’s like being bewitched. Before you know it, they have turned into another person. No longer complimenting or being sweet.

They have taken on a whole new personality that you never saw coming. I can remember walking on eggshells when I came home from work because I never knew what kind of mood he would be in when I got home. I found myself trying to put what I wanted to say together with careful thought so I wouldn’t agitate him. Everything I did, moved to making sure I pleased him which was never enough. Over time losing myself because I was so invested in making things work between us.

One day I was lying on the couch after we had an argument and I started to read some uplifting words to help me cope. I don’t exactly remember what I read, but I remember sitting up and saying something to him like, “I lost myself.” He was quick to say, “That’s fine because we are married.” He was fine with me not knowing or recognizing who I was anymore. I was easier to control and manipulate that way. Anyone who is ok with you not being yourself or losing who you are is toxic.

I never saw this coming. He pretended to be what I wanted and needed in a husband only to berate me and have me so caught up that he could do whatever he wanted.

Narcissist are calculating and cold. Be careful who you open up to. I thought my life was just picking up and moving forward to a great chapter. It made me think of stories I heard of…. whimsical romances, and I thought that was now my life…my story, only to find it more like a nightmare.

I will be talking much more about narcissistic behavior. Because it is such an overwhelming topic, I will be doing a little at a time. I will be introducing some of the vocabulary used to identify behaviors so you can better tell where you are within your relationships. Narcissistic behavior is not just limited to your intimate partner. They can be parents, co-workers, bosses and the like. Let me know in the comments what you have seen or been through, that you have realized is narcissistic behavior.

As always, looking forward to conversing with you!