Whether it is physical, emotional, or mental, it hurts. I thought that when I left my significant other, that the pain would melt away, that I would be free from the anguish that I endured with him. Funny thing is that, the pain turns up in different ways after it’s over.
In the course of ending something, you anticipate something new and beautiful on the horizon. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always go down that way. To be honest, in my experience, I ran into a few f<*boys. Now most of us know what they are, but my definition is a guy or girl that play mental games with you to get what they want from you. Yes, definitely a character trait of a narcissist! So I was approached by a few guys that I did entertain because I was in a very vulnerable state. Let’s be honest, when leaving a horrible relationship, you don’t even realize that the new attention you are getting is toxic. Men can see when a woman is going through and needs a shoulder or an ear. They know the right things to say to make you feel good. From there they make their move to get the “cookies” in most cases. It’s like a person being robbed and left for dead and then the person you think that has come to help, just comes to run through the person’s pockets. Sad but true. You can’t change a booty chaser to a dedicated partner. A person has to has to want to change their initial desires towards you. Please understand that it doesn’t matter how beautiful or handsome you are or how interesting and intelligent you are. Those things do not change a person’s agenda towards you or anyone else. Certainly, don’t believe the hype of a good word out of their mouth before you see some consistency for a good amount of time. Normally after about three months, they get tired of faking the funk. In some cases, they will bail and give false accusations towards you within the first two weeks if they don’t get that new notch on their belt. Let them go!! Think about yourself and your needs and not about what they want. I have had a guy tell me a bunch of sweet nothings and empty promises only to eventually get angry with me and accuse me of not being open to his advances that could possibly lead to a relationship if I just got on board with his plan. I was hurt. I started to believe that this was all men saw in me. Which I had to go back and tell myself that I wasn’t the problem. People will only do to you what you allow them to. Don’t allow them to inflict or project their thoughts or perceptions on you and make you feel like you are wrong for not giving them what they want from you.
On the other side of the coin, you may meet someone who is genuinely into you. They are nice and you may take a liking to them, but you spend a lot of time over analyzing everything they do and say. I know I have. I’m not in a relationship currently, but I have met a nice guy here and there and realized that I analyze everything. I look at if they have a high sexual appetite, if they only talk about sex, if they hop from job to job, if they only talk to me during certain hours of the day. This can be legitimate. You should always take notice of patterns, habits things said and unsaid, but not to the point that it becomes obsessive. If your whole day reflects you studying that person’s every single move, then you need to take a step back. Don’t put yourself in another position of pain by spending your valuable time trying to break someone down to study every single part of them. You have to think of you and how this affects you. I have learned to ask a lot of deep questions. More than like what is his favorite color or food. Things like, “What pisses you off, and who is an instrumental person in your life and why.” Questions like this set a tone that you are looking past the surface. When questions are too deep, those with motives that don’t serve you should run the other way. They may always be busy or take longer responding to text. They may just flat out ghost you! No worries, that is what they should do! Don’t hurt yourself trying to get their attention no matter how good looking he or she is or how bad you want them. Definitely not worth the aggravation to force something that isn’t meant to be, even if you think it will be beautiful.
I am a Pisces, and we are daydreamers. We want to see the best in everyone and everything. Don’t get lost in a dream world with someone who never showed you they wanted to be there in the capacity you see them in. People want relationships for different reasons. Some want sexual relationships, some want monetary relationships, you name it, they want it! It doesn’t have to come from you. Don’t let their wish list become your downfall. Don’t disregard flags at all! Take everything into consideration. You are navigating a new territory and you have to look after yourself and your needs first. This isn’t selfish as long as you aren’t turning the tables for someone to meet your explicit demands. Everything you need and desire should be within reason. Don’t hurt the person who could possibly be the one to love you.
Conversations With Lotus 